Desperation
by carryonmycastiel
Summary: Castiel and Dean have a heated argument over whether or not to tell their daughter, Mary, about the existence of monsters and the supernatural. Anger arises from passion, and we all know where passion leads to in the Destiel fandom...


**Title: **Desperation

**Rating: **NC-17

**Word-Count: **~4,200

**Pairing: **Domestic!Destiel

**Warnings: **Language, sexual content, masturbation!kink

**Summary: **Castiel and Dean have a heated argument over whether or not to tell their daughter, Mary, about the existence of monsters and the supernatural. Anger arises from passion, and we all know where passion leads to in the Destiel fandom...

**Author's Note:** Apparently I can't write porn without at least a little bit of a plot, so bear with me until about 1/4 of the way through. Also, this is written in a point of view and tense that I'm not quite familiar with, so hopefully it reads well for all of you. Feel free to leave comments and suggestions, I'd very much appreciate your feedback!

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><p>The soft pitter-patter of tiny feet on the wood floor is what alerts Dean to the little girl's presence. He shifts in his place under Castiel's arm, yawning groggily as the child rushes to his side.<p>

"Daddy, Daddy…" she sniffs, rubbing her nose on her sleeve.

He hums sleepily, eyes still closed, "Hmm?"

"D-Dad?" Her voice is scared, and he can tell she is nearing tears. He sits up, shrugging Castiel's arm off gently before shaking his head to wake up.

"Mary? What's wrong?"

Castiel's eyes snap open, immediately alert. Mary answers, "I can't sleep."

Dean sighs, "Why not?"

"I'm scared." Mary twists a strand of blond hair around her tiny fingers, head bowed guiltily as she stares up at him.

With a slight stretch Castiel sits up, looking in concern to their daughter, "Why, Mary? Did something happen?"

She shakes her head slowly, wiping her nose on her sleeve again. Dean asks gently, "Then why're you up?"

Mary shuffles her feet, tugging absently at the bottom of her pajama shirt, "Bad dream."

"Wanna tell us about it?"

The little girl opens her mouth to speak, but then hesitates, unsure. Castiel holds out a hand, "Come here, Mary."

He hoists her up onto his lap, wrapping her in his arms. She sighs in relief, burying her face into Castiel's chest. He strokes her hair gently, "Tell us, little one."

Mary nods, sniffling slightly as she whispers, "There was a monster. A big one." She thinks for a moment, adding, "Almost as big as Uncle Sammy."

Dean forces himself not to smirk at that afterthought, "What did it look like?"

"It was a man," she says against Castiel's chest, shutting her eyes tight.

"I thought it was a monster?"

"He had four faces." Mary bites her lip, looking scared. Castiel rubs her back soothingly, eyes flickering up to meet Dean's, concern apparent on both of their faces.

Castiel asks quietly, "What happened in the nightmare, Mary," at the same time as Dean asks, "What were its other faces?"

Mary furrows her brow in concentration, looking down at her hands, "I-I… can't remember."

Dean sighs, "What else happened? What did he do?"

"The man didn't do anything," Mary replied. Castiel tilts his head at the girl, mouth parting slightly in surprise when she continues, "You did."

The two men tense up, puzzled, and Dean asks, "What did we do, Mary?"

Her reply is so quiet that they can barely hear it, "Killed him."

"Mary…"

With tear-filled eyes, she holds back a sob, "You trapped him and killed him. He told me he was good, but you killed him. He said he was a friend, Daddy." She turns her watery eyes from Dean to Castiel, "He was your brother. You killed him, Daddy, and that's why I'm scared."

Dean and Castiel share a confused, helpless glance. She knows nothing about their past, about Castiel being an angel, Dean a hunter. She can't have known that angels have four faces. They look down at the girl, whose face is stained with tears. Dean reaches out and places a hand on her back, trying to calm her down. She hiccups through the tears, saying, "You never killed anyone, did you, Dad?"

He flounders at the question, mouth opening and closing lamely before replying, "W-what kind of question is that, Mary?" He gives her a pained smile. "Let's get you back to sleep, alright?"

Still teary-eyed, she nods, defeated. Castiel gives Dean a look, hoisting Mary up and holding her in his arms. She sniffs, wiping her nose on Castiel's shirt. He doesn't have the heart to reprimand her, instead patting her on the back consolingly.

They reach her bedroom in silence, Castiel lowering Mary to the floor and letting her scamper up to her bed. She climbs up and immediately sinks into her pillow, bleary-eyed with sleep.

Dean reaches down and tucks her in, closing his eyes as he presses a kiss to her forehead, "Get to sleep, okay, Mary? It was only a dream. Everything is fine."

Mary nods, frowning in thought.

Castiel brushes his hand against her cheek, looking fondly down at her with only a faint glimmer of concern in his eyes. He walks over to Dean while saying, "Good night, Mary."

Before the lights can be turned out, the girl pipes up, "Daddy?"

Both Castiel and Dean turn at the same time, looking over their shoulders, "Yes, Mary?"

Very timidly, nervously, she asks, "The man said that monsters are everywhere I go. But… monsters aren't real," she looks up at them with big blue eyes, "right, Dad?"

They freeze, taken off guard by the question, looking to each other in muted shock. Mary's voice raises in pitch as she repeats, "Right, Daddy?"

"O-Of course not, Mary." Dean forces a smile, "Everything is okay. Don't worry. Good night."

As he turns out the lights, Mary says, "'Night."

Dean closes the door gently, turning around to face Castiel, at a loss for words. Castiel shoots him a disbelieving look before walking away with a slight frown, leaving Dean alone in the hallway.

"Cas…" He catches up to the angel, grabbing his arm.

Castiel states simply, "You lied to her."

"I had to."

Eyes narrowing slightly, Castiel says, "It is not wise to lie to a child, _our child_, about such things. She must be ready, in case-"

Dean cuts him off forcefully, "In case what, Cas? That part of our life is over. We agreed that she should not have to live the way I did. The way _we_did."

"She should know, at least, Dean. It is only fair to her."

"No." Dean sets his jaw determinedly.

Castiel sighs, "Dean, she _will_ find out one day. She'll find out everything. It is inevitable, and we were both aware of it when we took Mary into our care."

Dean shakes his head stubbornly, "She doesn't need to know."

"You have said it yourself, Dean: Once a hunter, always a hunter. She will find out eventually."

Frustrated, Dean closes his eyes, sighing deeply. Castiel asks, softer this time, "Would you rather she finds out through someone else? By chance? Or would you not prefer to let her find out from us, the ones responsible for her safety?"

Knowing he's losing this battle, Dean murmurs, "She doesn't- she can't- she… not now." He opens his eyes, looking pleadingly at the angel, "Not now, Cas."

"If not now, when?"

Dean looks away, huffing a breath in agitation. Castiel frowns, "It is decided, then. I will do it, if you cannot." He begins to walk away, towards the little girl's bedroom.

"Cas…"

The angel doesn't look back.

Dean lunges forward, grabbing Castiel's arm, pinning him to the wall, "_No,_ Castiel."

Narrowing his eyes in anger, Castiel raises his voice, "She_needs to know, Dean."_

"No. Not now."

"Dean."

The hunter stares away, shaking his head slowly.

"Look at me, Dean."

Dean reluctantly turns his gaze to Castiel, who stares back intently and says, "Eventually, I will tell her myself. You can either be there or choose to be elsewhere. It is going to happen either way."

"You're going to hurt her," Dean says, narrowing his eyes at the angel.

Castiel glares angrily at him, "I'm _protecting_ her, Dean!"

Silence falls in the hallway as they glare furiously at each other, eyes locked, green against blue. Dean is the first to look away, sighing in defeat. He closes his eyes, resting his head on Castiel's shoulder. "I don't want her to be afraid."

The angel places a hand on the back of Dean's neck, resting his cheek on his husband's head.

"She's too good for that life, Cas."

Castiel replies sensibly, quietly, "Regardless, it is the life we all live in."

Dean looks at Castiel- his solemn blue eyes, his slightly clenched jaw, gaze lingering on the fallen angel's pursed lips before flickering up to meet those blue eyes again. A sad, defeated nod, "I know."

Cas leans forward, pressing their lips together, "I'm sorry, Dean."

"I know," Dean murmurs against Castiel's lips, wrapping his arms firmly around Cas's waist.

"She'll be okay." Castiel tangles the hand that was resting on Dean's neck into the hunter's hair.

A sigh from Dean, "I know."

He grabs Castiel's face and kisses him, closing his eyes and stroking the man's hips in slow circles with his thumb, pushing him up gently against the wall. Castiel sighs, whether out of relief or frustration he is unsure. He lets his eyes flutter shut, fingers fisting in Dean's hair and pulling his head in closer, deepening the kiss with a tight clenching of the heart, a familiar warmth spreading throughout his body.

Just as quickly as Dean presses their lips together he pulls away, resting his forehead against Castiel' smirks when his husband makes a discontented noise, opening his blue eyes slowly to look at Dean as he says, "Aren't you gonna tell her, Cas?"

Narrowing his eyes dangerously, knowing what Dean is doing and not wanting to play along he replies, "It can wait until the morning."

"I dunno, Cas," Dean's face goes blank as he backs away, "She _does_ need to know…"

"Dean." A reproachful glare from the impatient man.

He shrugs, "You said it yourself, Castiel, I just think we should get it over wi-"

Castiel cuts Dean off by grabbing his shirt and yanking him forward, whispering in his ear, _"It can wait."_

Dean nods, a shiver running down his spine, "Yeah. We'll wait."

With a slight lift of the head Castiel surveys Dean, blank expression not portraying anything but a mild interest. He makes eye contact with the man, keeping his gaze for a moment before beckoning his head to the right, quirking an eyebrow as if to say, "Well?"

Green eyes slide from Castiel's blue to their bedroom just down the hall, and then back again. A slight smirk graces the hunter's lips and he grabs the hem of Cas's shirt, pulling him towards the door that had been left slightly ajar.

When they get there Castiel shuts the door quietly, locking it with a quick flick of the thumb. Dean approaches him slowly, putting one hand on Cas's hip, the other on the man's lower back. They stay like that for a few long moments, Castiel leaning gently against the door, Dean standing before him, not quite touching but _feeling_, reveling in the way the smallest of touches could send heat rolling off both of their bodies, anticipation coiling in their stomachs, hearts clenching tight. They feel like they were both made for this.

Castiel's eyes roam Dean's face wonderingly, a chill going down his spine as Dean begins to massage his hip with his thumb again, scraping his nails down his back with the other hand. He resists the urge to arch up against Dean's chest, tongue darting out to swipe quickly across his lower lip.

Dean leans his head in close to Castiel's, almost brushing their lips together, smirking when he hears the other man's breath hitch in his throat. He continues leaning closer to Castiel, almost but not quite kissing his cheek, jaw, just below his ear, hot breath ghosting over skin as Cas's body begins to quiver.

The space between their bodies is less than an inch, just barely there, but it feels as if it's a mile between them, much too far away for either of their liking. Castiel longs to pull Dean in closer, to feel his own body move restlessly against the hunter's. Instead he traces a finger up Dean's chest, looking up at Dean through dark lashes, saying lowly, "I am not going to make the first move, Dean."

A cocky wink from the man before him, "Neither am I, Cas."

"Just so long as that's clear." Castiel places both hands on Dean's chest, brushing his fingertips lightly over the muscles of his abdomen. He slides a hand under Dean's shirt, almost smirking when Dean's body twitches at the gentle touch.

Setting his jaw determinedly, Dean locks gazes with Castiel, inhaling roughly when Cas's fingers stop skimming upward along his chest and drag down, nails leaving light red marks on the tanned skin. Castiel leans his head forward, resting it against Dean's as he slowly traces a line above the hem of his sweatpants, sliding two fingers inside the elastic band, tugging it back as Dean's eyes flutter shut. Humming in approval Castiel releases the band, letting it fall back into place with a sharp_'snap'_. He leans his back against the door, giving Dean a smug look.

Dean's eyes fly open, voice rough as he says, "Cas."

The man leaning against the door folds his hands gently behind him, the corner of his mouth turning upward just slightly. Dean huffs agitatedly, leaning forward and placing his hands on the door, barring Castiel in. He brushes his lips lightly against Castiel's cheek, down his jawline, and then back up to rest under his earlobe, which he nibbles on gently before saying, "I'm not gonna kiss you first, Castiel." He nips gently at Cas's jawline.

"Likewise, Dean." Castiel's hands twitch, wanting to tangle themselves in Dean's hair and pull him closer.

Dean smirks, "Alright." He backs away slowly, maintaining eye contact with Castiel, who narrows his eyes and crosses his arms defiantly across his chest.

"I am patient, Dean. I can wait."

Dean hums skeptically, crossing over to his side of the bed. Standing beside it, he smirks faintly in Castiel's direction before yawning hugely, stretching his arms in the air, showing off. Cas's eyes travel from Dean's strong arms to his chest, lingering where the shirt was exposing a sliver of skin above his sweatpants. Dean lowers his arms, grinning at Castiel, "Like what you see?"

Castiel looks pointedly away, giving an almost imperceptible shake of the head. Dean smirks again, "Okay."

He strips off his shirt slowly, tossing it carelessly to the side, "Now?"

Watching out of the corner of his eye, Castiel huffs in agitation, "Not in the slightest."

Dean nods, having expected that answer, grabbing the hem of his sweatpants and sliding them down so they rest just below the jut of his hipbones. He quirks an eyebrow questioningly.

"No." A gulp from Castiel.

Biting his lip and frowning slightly he strips his pants the rest of the way down, letting them pool at his ankles. He steps out of them, now only in his boxers. Castiel's eyes stray down Dean's toned chest, lingering briefly on the dip and jut of his hipbones before settling on Dean's half-hard cock, visible through the fabric. He says nothing, prying his gaze reluctantly from Dean's boxers and training them on Dean's face.

Dean's breath catches, his cock twitching at the intensity of Castiel's gaze, black-rimmed-blue eyes staring at him hungrily. He regains himself quickly, winking at Castiel before crawling onto the bed, laying down on his back with his legs spread.

Castiel's body twitches at the sight and he walks very quietly to his side of the bed. Without removing any of his own clothing he crawls beside Dean, sitting up next to him and leaning back against the headboard. He looks down, locking their heated gazes together before letting his eyes travel down Dean's body, then slowly up. He says expectantly, "Well?"

Eyebrows raised in surprise, Dean narrows his eyes at Castiel, a rush of heat thrumming throughout his body at the implied request. Castiel reaches a hand down, threading his fingers through Dean's hair and stroking his head where it lay on the pillow beside him. "I told you I'm not giving in, Dean."

The hunter bites his lip to hold back a groan, placing his left hand on the bed beside Castiel, the right on his bare chest. "Cas," Dean breathes, face flushing, eyes blown wide with lust. Castiel's tongue darts out to lick his lips, nodding once,

"Go on."

Dean exhales roughly, keeping steady eye contact with Castiel before letting his eyes flutter shut. He takes a ragged breath, dragging a hand slowly, hesitantly, down his chest, dragging his nails down his stomach the way that Castiel does so often to him. His muscles clench under his hand, his body stilling when he reaches the hem of his boxers.

Castiel breathes in deeply, nostrils flaring when Dean opens his eyes, glazed over and heavy-lidded as they connect with his. Dean slips one finger beneath the elastic of his boxers, pulling it once and releasing it to snap back down. He almost lets out a moan when he sees Castiel eyeing the growing bulge in his boxers, but instead smirks slyly, "You sure you don't want to help, Cas?"

"Positive," Castiel murmurs lowly, still eyeing Dean hungrily.

Dean's body quivers in response and he very tentatively lifts his hips off the bed, arching up while he hooks his fingers under the elastic, tugging gently. He slides them down and off, sucking in a startled breath when he feels the cold air on his exposed body. He skims his hand down lower, resting it on his thigh teasingly. His breath comes quickly as he looks back up to Castiel.

The angel shifts in his seated position, his stiffening cock beginning to ache from neglect. He bites his lower lip, watching the quick rise and fall of Dean's chest, longing to bend down and ravish Dean's mouth with his, to lick and suck and bite his way down Dean's chest and to the man's cock, leaking with precome and erect just for him. He palms his own hardness, desperate for some sort of friction at the thought.

"Hey." Dean's hand that had been fisted in the sheets beside Castiel reaches out and brushes against Cas's knee, sending a jolt of electric warmth throughout his body. Dean grabs the hand that is resting on Castiel's crotch, placing it gently against his neck, pressing a soft, barely-there brush of the lips to Castiel's knuckle, commanding full attention from the other man. Castiel exhales sharply, caressing Dean's cheek, encouraging him to continue.

Dean drags his fingers slowly up the length of his own cock, lips parting in a silent moan when he touches the head, fingering the slit and feeling the precome drip down his length and onto his stomach. He wraps his hand fully around himself and pumps once, twice, his head turning to face Castiel, eyes shut tight and mouthing words that Castiel couldn't quite make out.

Castiel, quivering with lust, watches Dean get himself off, running a thumb across the man's cheek, moving to smooth out the crease of concentration on Dean's forehead as he works himself, hips thrusting forward rhythmically into his own hand.

Making a noise somewhere between a strangled cry and a moan, Dean thumbs over his slit again, beginning to pump quicker, harder, with fervored abandon, "C-Cas…"

"I'm here, Dean." Castiel runs a hand down Dean's neck, scraping his nails gently over a pulse point, breath coming almost as quickly as Dean's. His hips begin moving of their own accord, thrusting into nothing, precome starting to seep through the now very prominent tent in his sweatpants.

Dean's lips part sensually, tongue swiping across his lower lip as he continues to rock his hips forward, fucking himself, pretending it was Castiel's hand, Castiel's fingers skimming over his head, thumbing the slit, smearing precome up and down his length and driving him so close to the edge.

Castiel looks at Dean through lust-clouded eyes, taking in Dean's beautifully flushed skin, his eyes darting everywhere behind his tightly-shut eyelids. Dean releases little strangled noises from his lips, which Castiel brushes a thumb over gently, wanting to taste them with every fiber of his being. He gasps in surprise when Dean sucks his thumb into his mouth, tongue running over it hot and fast in time with his strokes on his length. Castiel's body nearly convulses, everything Dean is doing driving him wild. "Dean…"

Dean nibbles at the top of Cas's finger, letting go with a slight _'pop'_that had another rush of heat sent straight to their cocks. "Cas, c'mon…" He's breathing raggedly, so close, not wanting to make himself come. "Please, Cas. _Please_."

Whole body shivering, Castiel quickly removes his own shirt and pants, moaning gently when his boxers brush over his achingly hard, neglected cock. Surprised that he could form coherent sentences at this point, Castiel murmurs, "Please what, Dean?"

_"Cas."_ Dean's reply was angry, impatient. When he doesn't feel Castiel's body against his own after a moment, "_Fuck_, Cas. Get over here already, you stubborn son of a bitch."

Castiel moans softly, moving to straddle Dean's hips, avoiding Dean's cock, which the hunter continues to stroke hard and fast.

"Cas, _please_, I nee-" He cuts off when Castiel places a hand over Dean's, removing it from his cock and gently placing it on the sheet beside him. He moans needily, hips rocking upwards into air until Castiel places his own hands on top of Dean's thighs, preventing him from moving anywhere. He begins to rub circles into the sensitive skin right near Dean's length, teasing him. Castiel moves his hips slowly, experimentally, grinding almost painfully slowly against Dean, throwing his head back and reveling in the much-anticipated feeling of skin on skin.

Dean whimpers, trying to rock up against Castiel, but the hands on his thighs would not let him. Castiel keeps grinding against Dean, alternating the swivel of his hips and leaving them both breathless, moaning, biting their lips, throwing their heads back, both already far too close to go much further.

Opening his eyes, Castiel looks up at Dean, whose gaze was locked onto Castiel's. There is almost no green visible in his eyes, dark lust taking over. Cas rocks hard against Dean, then pulls back and grabs his own cock quickly. He strokes once, hard, guiding it lower, almost touching Dean's tight entrance. In a breathless, ragged voice, Castiel asks, "Dean…?"

If the low, feral groan that came from the back of Dean's throat wasn't answer enough, Castiel nearly came as Dean said, "Oh, _god_, yes."

Castiel nods, licking his lips and sliding two digits into his mouth, coating them with saliva before pressing them slowly, carefully into Dean's heat. He allows the man to get used to the intrusion before pulling his fingers out and slipping them back in, curling slightly, finding the prostate easily and pressing down. Dean throws his head back, a cry escaping his lips, pushing his hips back onto Castiel's fingers in a wordless beg for more. Castiel complies, pushing in a third finger and moving them slowly in and out, stretching Dean until the hunter is writhing and moaning his name, breath coming in short, quick gasps.

"C-Cas," Dean stutters out raggedly, _"Fuck me_, please, just fu-"

With a groan Castiel cuts him off, removing his fingers and gripping onto Dean's hips, positioning himself and pushing in slowly, painfully slowly, eyes rolling into the back of his head as Dean envelops him, impossibly tight. They both moan each other's names through parted lips, heads thrown back in ecstasy.

Neither of them can speak in that moment, too lost in the feeling of each other, of their bodies pressed so intimately together. It is Dean who comes to his senses first, sliding his nails roughly up Castiel's back and gripping the back of his neck, pulling the angel to him.

Not caring who gives in first at this moment, not caring about anything but _"CasCasCasCas,"_Dean crashes their lips together, sucking and biting at Castiel's tongue, his lips, any inch of his skin that he can reach as Castiel moves in and out of him, eyes shut tight, shallow breaths coming quickly in time with his thrusts.

Castiel whimpers against Dean's mouth, getting too far lost in the feeling of Dean all around him, "D-Dean, I can't-"

"Shh," Dean bites Castiel's lower lip, teasing it between his teeth, soothing the mark with a lap of his tongue, "It's okay."

Dean grabs onto Castiel's back, fingers digging into his skin as he meets every one of Castiel's thrusts, eyes rolling into the back of his head when Castiel reaches for his cock, thumbing the slit and pumping it quickly, jacking Dean off while he moves inside of him.

With a low groan Dean comes first, spilling onto their stomachs, Castiel continuing to pump him as he orgasms. Castiel follows soon after, the feeling of Dean's muscles clenching tightly around him too much to handle, and he releases with a strangled moan. He kisses Dean roughly as he comes inside of him, body going limp against Dean's when he pulls out, collapsing onto the hunter's chest.

Castiel wraps his arms around Dean's neck, kissing him lazily through the blissful haze that has settled into both of their bodies. He opens his mouth to say something, to apologize for the pain that revealing their pasts to Mary would cause him, to tell him he was always there for him, he loved him, he wanted everything to be alright for him-

"I know, Cas," Dean presses his lips to the angel's, cutting him off before he can say it, "I know."


End file.
